I Only Complain because I can't say what I really want...

I need let a truly homeless person sleep on the couch that I sleep on. Give them the clothes that I where to work and give my job to a person that has been out of one for longer than six months. Yes, I have been complaining - but I am grateful.

I only complain because I can't say what I really want to. I can't say out-loud what's really bothering me. Because if I do I'm wrong and I might hurt someones feels. Not intentionally but because they don't see themselves the way I see. They don't see that I am not them and don't understand that I am not going to do things their way. They don't understand that the times that I really needed them they were in a far distant place focused on themselves. Or they said they would help and they never did. They don't understand that for many days since I was young I grow-up being more and more disappointed in them. And that I got use to doing things on my own.

Yes they are here now to help but - they need to understand that I have had my own process of doing things for almost 28 years. Yes I use my own personal power to get where I need to be and that is because I am all I really have to depend on.

See there are some people that don't understand that I will no longer follow because when I did I got left behind. And that has been too many times. Yes I am going to take what I want. But I will not take the process of getting it for granted. I am not going to sit around and wait for someone to tell me to do it different. My school days are over and have to apply what I have learnt, right here and right now.

Yes I have many made errors, but not one of them have completely knocked me down. If you are going to be there to help me up, be there but don't get mad because I'm doing it your way. Your way is your way, your destiny. My way is my way, which is my destiny - I make what it is although it is already predetermined. I'm not trying to alter it, I'm just trying to get there. Because I already know where there is. I just have to be strong enough to get there. I have no time for Nah-saying.

You are suppose to be there to encourage me [to get up] to keep going. Not discourage - and that is just what you are doing - each and every one of you that I can't say this to.

Right now I feel that I only have two people that really listen to me and push me forward and one of them you all are so against and one them you all are so for. But neither one have cause me any harm. So it hurts that you all can't trust me to adventure into the positive. I trust them. I encourage those that allow me to encourage but none of you trust me enough to allow me to trust me.

My point is, I trust me and I trust what I am doing.

Back off!

P.S. To the One I Love ~ this has nothing to do with you. You know my purpose and you know what I want.